Lately Stefan and I have both been feeling a sense of what can only be described as "Existential Whiplash." What is that, you may ask? Good question.
Imagine you wake up one day and find yourself in a completely new place. You're not quite sure how you got there, not quite sure why you are there. It's nice, and you have everything you need and more, but suddenly you've lost connection to your usual friends, familiar places, and routines. Add to that the feeling that you're not really sure why you're there. That is existential whiplash.
This summer was weird. Stefan and I were in different places, doing different things, out of our usual routine (a routine that we clung to for dear life during the first year of law school). If only we could make it to August we thought...then everything would be good, back to normal, happy. But that's not exactly what happened, or at least not in the way we thought.
Our decision to transfer to a different school kind of threw us for a loop. It happened so fast. We loved our community, the professors, coworkers, friends. The beach. We would have been able to have our cake and eat it too--all of it. With extra frosting! And ice cream! Had we stayed. But for some reason, we had to leave.
We've gone over and over this, always coming to the conclusion that we made the right decision. Still, we're not exactly certain why. Oh we can list reasons, but that's just data really. For now, we'll be content until God shows us.
Anybody else out there ever have this feeling?
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I feel like you just wrote our story. Everything happened so fast, and everything is so new, and unfamiliar. Maybe someday we'll look back and see exactly why God opened some doors while he shut others. It's the being content part that I find the most difficult.
ReplyDeleteLori I am so grateful to have come across your blog. It was just what a I needed to hear. I havw been having some of the same feelings about transferring, but did not know how to express them. I will keep you in my prayers friend.
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